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Out of Context: January 24th, 2009

Murray January 24, 2009 - 1:31 pm

Here is your totally untrue news headlines for the week.

Economic crisis “forces” retire Star Wars characters to the streets.

As a former headliner in Star Wars games, Obi-Wan tried to appeal to the younger, more emo-ier generation before finally filing for bankruptcy and adapting a hobo’s lifestyle and clothes…

Source: Kotaku

Zombie survivors whore out for bottlecaps.

Times are rough in a post-zombie-apocalyptic world. Though distasteful, you really cannot blame famed four-time zombie scenario survivors Louis, Bill, Zoey, and Francis for trying to make a living. It’s too bad that all the good t-shirt designers died from the infection…

Source: Zazzle

Dragonball: The Movie: The Game to set the pace for the future of fighting games.

Street Fighter IV and HD Remix may have helped revive the fighting genre, but the game based on the Dragonball movie intends to take the entire fighting genre to its next logical step. All the characters in the game have movesets that revolve around groin kicks, as seen in the screenshot above. Apparently, individual groin shots deal 235 damage apiece…

Source: N4G

WARNING! New challenger approaches! Mini-Mario on stilts added to SSBB as DLC.

A DLC for Nintendo’s smash hit, Super Something Brothers Brawl, is rumoured to contain a new character, which is rumoured to be the rumoured Itsa-Mini-Me!, a Mario clone that is 1/8 the size of Mario, but on stilts. The character, obviously designed by Atlus, is unlocked by drawing a pentagram on the wall and chanting the inscription seen above…

Source: Destructoid

New Yakuza game rumoured to contained highly anticipated staring contest mini-game.

It’s a concept taken straight out from the movies: the protagonist stares down his opponent for 20 minutes before finally engaging them in combat. With the new Yakuza game coming out, players will finally be able to enjoy the same level of suspense and excitement. Be sure to practice staring in the mirror now!…

Source: Videogaming247

Capcom fails to realize that their new movie poster says ‘Two-dollar Dimsum’ in Chinese.

I may not be able to read every word in Chinese, being a Canadian-born Chinese mongrel. But my girlfriend can read fluently and she assures me that Dim Sum will be very inexpensive this weekend. By the way, Happy Chinese New Years!…

Source: Capcom

Nintendo rumoured to unveil new Wii attachments at the next E3.

Reliable information has been leaked overseas pertaining to Nintendo’s new Wii attachment, which is designed to compliment the Wii Motion Plus. The new attachments, shown here, will enable users with small appendages to use the extended Wiimotes with less difficulty. The proposed name? PiiWii…

Source: Riiflex

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